Don't know why........ Oh! i know, i'm no extraordinaire woman!

Well, living your life all alone in the city that u barely know with no lover and not so many friends u've known for long years sometimes kinda desperating.. usually i need to be alone and cry quite much. but now, i don't wanna. don't know why i didn't come....




i need to scream. scrrrreeeeaaaammmmming instead of crying.





Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road alone

i'm soo feeling norah jones right now. it's funny cos usually i get annoyed by her song. no offense, but i think her songs are sooo mellow. i didn't usually like it. but now, once again, i don't know why i didn't come...

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

i wanna get thru all this, like, in a snap! but. heyy! i still have three and a half years remaining... that's quite a loooong time, u know, if this situation doesn't change.

i need a change. maybe not 'a'. maybe i need soo much changes in my life.. or else i won't survive in this mean mean -- but pretty stand still -- world. i need to have some points in my life. i realize happiness won't come to me. i can never have good times if i don't try to make it happen. i have to make happiness happen to me. since i'm no extraordinary woman. i'm just a regular girl who thinks that she is special and worth enough to be happy.


















no no no,, i ain't no extraordinaire....

there are many woman i know in my life that can get everything they want without even have to try soo hard to get it. chances happen to them just like blinking your eyes. i hate to accept this reality, but i know that i'm not the kind of woman that blessed with so much good things so she can just go ahead and enjoy that compliments from God. i still have to work things out. so far, there's not so much i can do.

is destiny limiting me from being 'up and out'?
huff. i wanna be a woman with no boundary.
i SHOULD BE a woman with no boundary.
i have to work on this. i know, i have to work on this.

no no no, don't cry no more sweetheart, just scream as loud as you can, and believe, you deserve all that too.. you'll get those chances. it's just, you reeally have to be smart and sneaky, oh, and brilliant! oh dear, you have to have PERFECT inside to cover your 'outside ordinaire' ..

i hate to be perfect. i don't believe in perfectness. i used to be a perfectionist woman. but in some ways i know it kills me. bcos usually nobody giving much appreciate of it. of the perfectness. people now, majority, DON'T appraise perfectness. so, why busy being perfect?

people might worship 'outside' perfectness, but perfect in the inside, who cares?

if the quote above is the fact that happens nowadays, and people no longer have hearts or healthy mind, and this world really is getting mean and meaner everyday.. dear God, what i have to be survived? T.T

i don't have that outside faaabulous look. and i still have to work on my personality to be better and better. am i left behind? or is it just me that not aware yet?