What is it that God tryin' to say to me? :/

uhm.


have no idea, how people can be so easily get themself a person who is willing to stay by themselves. (esp. women) y know what I mean, a partner in life. meanwhile me, myself, cried and cried many times to God, but stil not getting any. I have been feeling many ups and downs in this waiting. and the big Q has always been: WHY?

no answers to that yet. does He haven't trust me yet? I am 21 years old for heaven's sake! what else do I have to do? i've tried many ways tho. I have always been let myself open, but the chances were barely there. :(



I am just a human being that is only trying to be normal. which in normal way, I know exactly that I have needs. i can not pretend no more that i don't need it. I do need some real relationship. I need to feel all those ups and downs in having a relationship with somebody. in crazy thoughts, I always think that this is some kinda punishment for me. what is it that i've done in the past? please, if anybody that I have mistakes with, read this, if I have done anything that made you swear to God not to let me get a man for myself, I am begging you, tell me what is it that i've done so wrong, and how do I make it up to you? maybe you have some kinda power that made God 'listens' to your swear those times, that made Him won't give anyone nice for me to stay by my side.. *sigh*

or is it my destiny, to waiiiiit such a duper long loooong long long time, then He will give me either someone I have always expected to be The One, or else he'll give me another tryouts, by giving me someone that I am just stuck with (either die alone or be with this person who is actually not great for me at all)

OOOOHHHH MY. MY LAWRD.. I am sad. :'(

and after all these times I have been passing through, for a pretty long time now, I haven't feel any sparks to anyone, for um, I don't know exactly for how many months already. I used to have someone that I really adore, and excited with, always. but yeah, in some case maybe I got a chance to get close to him, but it turns out I found out that he's NOT for me.

gosh, I really miss the feeling of adoring someone..

well yea, me of course didn't just stand here and wait. my assumption is, I just haven't really go out and publish myself that much. I believe, if I go out more, maybe join many this and that, meet many more people, it's not that impossible to find myself a man. but hey, the chances are from Lord, i believe. i just can not 'push' my destiny. because I am truly believe that every single littlest tiniest things that me and everybody's going through, is arranged by the Lord. and I always keep my eyes wide open if I had chances to get there. i'm just hoping that Lord will give me many more chances to work things out..

YES, it is all about patience.. all this pretty long time is.. oh yeah, not enough. should I still believe? oh, yes of course. just hafta keep hanging on to what I believe. FAITH to The Great Lord.