Facing 2009...

hmmm...

suddenly there are a lotta things going on my mind facing this year 2009..

i don't know is it only syndrome at the end of the year or whatsoever..

suddenly i had this flashback.. what i've done this year, what i haven't done... somehow i actually sad, maybe many things still didn't work out the way i hope this year's gonna be.. maybe i just realize that i'm not gonna spend nu years eve with my family.. especially my dad, or my mom, or my sister, or three of them.. T.T

this year, this lovely 2008, there are a lot of things to be regret, and there are much more things to be thank.. especially the big thing that happen to me recently, which is surely stay in my memory for the rest of my life..

that big thing makes this 2008 become a memorable year..

i don't know, but i guess the thing that makes me sad is that i'll pass my nu year's eve with my family... x( well, not last year, not even this year.. humm.. i chose to be with my friends this year.. i never do this before, but hey, a girl needs to grownup and realize, there are first times for everything.. and i pick this year to do it..

i'm afraid, that next year, 2009, things aren't the same anymore.. things gonna be a whole lot different from now.. i have this kinda feeling and it tortures my mind now.. why i become afraid of changes? i knew things change, people change, things gonna be different from time to time, and changes are good sometimes.. but.. now i'm scared to all of it?

of course i've been changing too.. from year to year; time, people, environment, they keep forcing me to change.. either in a good way, or maybe not a really good one..

i have this weird feeling that 2009 gonna be a hard year for me.. that's why now i even more afraid of changes..

dear God, i'm so afraid i might even cry, real hard..

Lord, i've been living 19 years, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY LIFE?

am i keep gettin better and better? am i thankful enough to my Lord? am i doing many pleasant things to the ones i loved? am i always choosing what's best for me?

i don't know and i'm not sure.. cos like i said life is a mystery...

we're only human, like what jason mraz sing..

all that we can do is try to live our life as best as we can do...