Slurrppmiao!

na na na na.. my 21st birthday!

2010-04-19T16:14:00.006+07:00

hey hey heeey!!

so I haven't told ya bout my 21st bday, have I? :D

I think it's kinda becoming my habit, to make a post about my birthday, one month after my bdayiyaay! nyehehe >:)

soooo, here comes, the 21 YEARS OLD lady! still survive in a hot hot city, surabaya! hahaha.. this year I was more real-axed than I was on my 20th bday!

it's like, twenty something..? been there done that!

hehe.. yes, I am more prepared for this. chill.

so yeah, here is another bday with my family faar away from me, so I just got a chance to celebrate it with my beloved friends here! well, nothing really special this year, actually.. ey, what?? liar! my bday is always special, however simple it is! :D

one simple habit on my bday is, to get a fine look. of course i have to wear nice clothes, clean up real nice, good hair, simply lookin'goood on my special day! it's a routine! this year's different thing is, my 3 besties texted me on midnite! yeah, 3 years with them and i didn't actually got any sms bday wishes from them before! heehee.. i got many bday wishes from lots and lots of friends and family, in FB, twitter, sms.. and i of course kindly replied 'em personally as always.. ;)

uhmm, 19-20 March 2010 is kinda exhausting, i remembered.. many college tasks, saman dance practice (cz we were having a show coming up), went out till late, and the saman performance was on 20th, and i had to be at campus at 6 o'clock! huwoh!

and heey! my family sent me a large bday opera cake! yaay! so, after class, me and my girls came to my casa to have a lil bday cake partay! hehe fuun :)

here comes the BIG opera cake! :)

blow the candles, 21 years old lady!

and i was really dying to see this great movie, My Name is Khan.. so i treated my girls to Sutos to see this movie! and i got to wear the shirts they gave me as bday present! it was RED, and i loved it! :* turned out the movie, My Name is Khan is such a really guhrreat movie! i'm real happy that i get to watched it on my bday! and yeah, my besties were there for me.. they enjoyed the moment with me.. it had been a while tho, since the four of us went out together.. ^^

yay!

it is RED and i loved it! :D

it was simply a good good day for me! alhamdulillah, ya Allah..

thank you for the chance of being 21..
thank you for the chance of being with my friends on my special day..
thank you for the people who care enuff to wishing me sweet things on my bday..

well, can't thank You enuff for all of Your blessings! alhamdulillah! ;)

we were kumus-kumus, and happy! ;)

What is it that God tryin' to say to me? :/

2010-04-18T23:20:00.013+07:00

uhm.

have no idea, how people can be so easily get themself a person who is willing to stay by themselves. (esp. women) y know what I mean, a partner in life. meanwhile me, myself, cried and cried many times to God, but stil not getting any. I have been feeling many ups and downs in this waiting. and the big Q has always been: WHY?

no answers to that yet. does He haven't trust me yet? I am 21 years old for heaven's sake! what else do I have to do? i've tried many ways tho. I have always been let myself open, but the chances were barely there. :(

I am just a human being that is only trying to be normal. which in normal way, I know exactly that I have needs. i can not pretend no more that i don't need it. I do need some real relationship. I need to feel all those ups and downs in having a relationship with somebody. in crazy thoughts, I always think that this is some kinda punishment for me. what is it that i've done in the past? please, if anybody that I have mistakes with, read this, if I have done anything that made you swear to God not to let me get a man for myself, I am begging you, tell me what is it that i've done so wrong, and how do I make it up to you? maybe you have some kinda power that made God 'listens' to your swear those times, that made Him won't give anyone nice for me to stay by my side.. *sigh*

or is it my destiny, to waiiiiit such a duper long loooong long long time, then He will give me either someone I have always expected to be The One, or else he'll give me another tryouts, by giving me someone that I am just stuck with (either die alone or be with this person who is actually not great for me at all)

OOOOHHHH MY. MY LAWRD.. I am sad. :'(

and after all these times I have been passing through, for a pretty long time now, I haven't feel any sparks to anyone, for um, I don't know exactly for how many months already. I used to have someone that I really adore, and excited with, always. but yeah, in some case maybe I got a chance to get close to him, but it turns out I found out that he's NOT for me.

gosh, I really miss the feeling of adoring someone..

well yea, me of course didn't just stand here and wait. my assumption is, I just haven't really go out and publish myself that much. I believe, if I go out more, maybe join many this and that, meet many more people, it's not that impossible to find myself a man. but hey, the chances are from Lord, i believe. i just can not 'push' my destiny. because I am truly believe that every single littlest tiniest things that me and everybody's going through, is arranged by the Lord. and I always keep my eyes wide open if I had chances to get there. i'm just hoping that Lord will give me many more chances to work things out..

YES, it is all about patience.. all this pretty long time is.. oh yeah, not enough. should I still believe? oh, yes of course. just hafta keep hanging on to what I believe. FAITH to The Great Lord.

mandhyta's having a cranky mooooood! LOL

2009-08-27T01:52:00.010+07:00

yoyoyoyoyoooooiiii ..
what's up people! been having a good life, eh? yeah. HOPE so! hahhaa..

if u wanna know my life, well, hours ago i can find myself in the most happiest and grreally really thankful for this life. but ya haah! i dunno, suddenly, ummh, my current mood when i was typing this, i feel like, umm, kraaaazzzeeehh!!!!

hahaahahhahaa

why? dunno. hav noo ideos palpados! grrr..

lets just say that im having this random cranky and a lil bit krazy mood! yoo hoo! \m/

maybe bcos i just finished watching friends season 8, (l-l-late?? yeah, whatever you saay) and i don't find it has a happy ending! uurrrggghhh made my mood like, blaaahhh!! :z and i found some lovebirds on twitter and i read their timeline, like sooo in love, even it's new couple or the old ones.. hyaiiikksss.. plus, i had this yucky "bandeng asep" that my auntie gave me today, and bleaahhhhh turned out i DID NOT like it! i felt nauseous! :'( and now my room smells fishy! yuuckk! :(

and now im talking crazy on my blog, y know, usually i want perfection in this blog, buuuuut what the hell.. that perfection thing is an obstacle to me for being more spontaneous! >:p

and i've been nauseous and acting crazy for a moment now, and THIS is my way of stopping me become mooore hiperactively crazy! LOL. yeah baby, by updating my blog! hha! this typing thing helps to control my wackiness! ahahhaaa *still dancing wacky thou!* :D

oh, and i hate the fact that i'm havin more fun in microblogging on twitter so i have more intimate time with my bb, that it made me kinda awkward to type in my laptop keyboard! ahahhahaa

i've been experiencing many ups and downs in my life since the last time i updated my blog.. well but lets just say that life goes on and i have to move on and try and try and try to be a better person in every step that i take..

wait. i know what u're thinking, stop stop stop! dont throw me that 'ast-bug' yet!! if i can read ur mind, ure trying to yell: THAT'S CLICHE MANDHYTAA!! what a motherf-er silly beee ouch!!

ahahahaa yeah i know that, but y know, when u thought life could be so simple, as a matter of fact, life is NOT that easy.. but when u think the life u're live in is soo damn f-ing hard, just remember to aaaalways find the positive things and ask to God what's the meaning behind all this.. sooner or later u'll find the answer and then life feels so simple! ;)

yeah we're all have our own problem in this life.. but we have no right to become a person that wouldn't care about others.
boy, that's just mean! :(
me, personally still haven't found out the right way to be a right person that is mature enough to face this world with all its complication awaiting for me to be solved. by my age, i am a grown up and shud be living my life in a mature way. but gosh, the pressure of maturity just can NOT helping me being mature.. well, maybe i might, but maturely depressed. *hehe i think i could be easily depressed :/*
we're gonna be mature by nature.
i believe God have plans to all of us. whoa, might gone very looooong if i keep talkin bout this. about me-life-God-etc. hehe

whew! see? i kinda solved my own problems tonite! i turned my mood from cranky to real calm, as u can see in my writing in this post;
the beginning = bzzzzttt *&%#$ bleahhhh!! >:(
at this point = hmmmmmmmm... 0:)

ehehehh.. fun! yeappp.. okay then, seems like i've put myself together.. i'm off! catcha later! toodles! :*

all by myself.. :)

2009-06-19T21:48:00.012+07:00

hmm.. hey i'm thinking..

in this life, u're not always have someone beside you.

especially me.

i tend to be with my ownself without anyone beside me most of the time. it's really nice though, for an introverted-lady like me. hhe.. but at some points, it's kinda desperating, i admit. but i feel like in the future, -not very far future- i gotta be (and have to be) much more independent than before.

hmmm.. i think it's okay for me if i gotta go my own way.. *don't start singing, readers! haha* but i mean it. no kiddin here.. that's okay if i have to go all by myself..
just like my all time quote, "i have done it all my life, what would make it any harder?"

i believe in my Lord, i let my Lord control all things goin on in my life.. and i believe the end would be so sweet.. :)

well, yea this is a short post. just wanna share a little feelings here.. ;)

*hey, it's funny when i'm editing this post, my iTunes play me Eric Carmen's All by Myself! hahaa.. that's why this post titled "all by myself".. gihihii.. =)

hate. hate. hate.

2009-05-20T17:17:00.005+07:00

out of nowhere, i wanna make a list of things that i dislike ;)

1. wrong spelling! ew. it's. just. bother. me. i hate reading mispelling words --> in purpose a.k.a sotoy. no matter to me when it comes to wrong grammar, everybody do that.. but wrong spelling? it burns me! hahahhaa .. it even kills me when i know i AM mispelling some words. yea, like i'm the master of spelling bee champion, but trust me i'm not. i'm gettin sounds like a nerdy skank biatch! hahahaaa peaaccceeeee ^^v

2. being not-ontime. anyone including myself. i knooow i'm not really an ontime person everytime,, but trust me, it's KILLING me when i'm late attending something. i really never liked being one. huks.

3. a non friendly face/ignore attitude i get when i greet/smile to people i know. not even a single smile?? why don't u kill me first, and u can freely ignore me. it makes all easier!

4. (cursed) men in the street that seems like they cannot live without insulting any woman passes by in front of them. whistling, flirting, maybe even touching (!!) when they really lost their head already! that is an insult for women, y'all uneducated man(s)!! unforgivable annoying bastards. i could ignore 'em, but when they reach my boiling point, especially when my mood is down under, and their target is my bestfriend/sister or mom, i might throw 'em an electrical pole! :D believe me i'll do something without considering the risks. (God, please protect me.. ~.~' )

mmm.. it turns out that so far i can think no more about what else pisses me of.. maybe this posting gonna need a little update if i wanna add a lil' extra somethin somethin everytime i need.. hha. :9

the-name-meaning

2009-05-13T21:29:00.013+07:00

hey, ya know what?

it could've been more easier to have my blog updated if i have my very own internet connection in my kost. well, it's not that it never entered my mind,, but .. hmm.. dunno. maybe i'm not really tryin to look for the best provider.. hhe

mmm...

unnecessary!

just for fun, i wanna put this name meaning result i got from this site in here.. i bold every word i agree with! :)

You entered: Amandita Parameswari

There are 19 letters in your name.
Those 19 letters total to 79
There are 9 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

haha, i love doing this! finding out anything related to me. when the result says whatever closest to myself, i get very excited like a little girl gettin a giant lollipop candy, and wondering how is that possible? nicey niceeyyy :D

nyamm nyamm wait minute. i just realize that the post is not according to the title. if u curious about what my name truly means, here it is:

Amandita : aman-damai-tentram

Parameswari : parameter, suara ( related to USG/ultrasonography )

there! nice? ;)

things that i should've been shared months ago...

2009-05-13T19:42:00.010+07:00

Dear God, what have i done to my blog?
i've been neglected it for how many months?
umm.. let's take a peek..
... waw! it's been 3 months since i put my latest post on this blog! aw aw. x)

last time i posted a blog i'm still 19 years old. now i'm in a big 20. yep, i'm no longer in the teenagers age era. i'm a twenty something woman! ~♥

hha. one thing that u shud know about this number is, it's pretty intimidating! yep. u have no idea how scared i am in the last minutes of my 19.. i actually already gettin worried from about a month before my bday. i realize that soon i'm gonna leave 19. and i'm havin a new number in the chapter of my life. one simple number before the others, 2. yep. turning 1 into 2 is actually intimidating for me. and it needed a very long process of thinking, cz i'm very aware of what's comin up to me. i'm gonna have a much much more responsibility, demands, expectations, etc etc. from people around me even from my own self.

i'm gonna be ashamed with my age if i still doing stupid things, having a short thinking, getting too reckless and sloppy, etc etc
i might be not having too much fun in my teenager, but that's the best i can do. i am now have to prepare for the upcoming era(s) in my life..

a day before i turned 20, i was getting oh-so-worry. i flashbacked what i've been done for almost 20 years i lived. i actually became hysteric that my time being 19 was almost up!
a night before i turned 20, i spent my time in my friends' house. we were havin so much fun that i'm almost forget that i'm turning 20 tonight! we were playin cards and truth or dare till late. but i couldn't help when the game stopped 2 hours before midnight and i was suddenly cryin' bcos i have so little time left on my 19! just couldn't accept all those reality comin up to me then. :'(
an hour before i turned 20, i left my friends' house, and my friend suddenly stopped in a sidewalk warong near pucang civil market to have dinner. and i just can't stop worrying about the time~! waay too overworried. i couldn't even laugh anymore, i was gettin scaared in a way that i couldn't describe.
i went to the car alone and cried so hard until i couldn't think. one of my bestie, Nona, tried to catch up with me, but i really needed a time alone. i called my best Hilma, just to cry. i told her what i was feeling. i cried more and more out loud! and yes after that i was soo relieved~! :)

it turned out that i only need a little time alone only to cry and let the bad feelings and thoughts out of my head! last cry in my 19th! ;)

then i came out from the car, ready to face my 20. apparently my luvliest besties already set up a (last time) sweet surprise for me! ♥

very first nicest things on my 20:
1. a great surprise from my bests (:inka, nona, della ..) and from some great new friends (:dede, rifky, nono, memed ..)
2. a nice birthday 'cake': terang bulan, which taste the best in my mouth! ^^
3. my best hilma, which encourage me before to face my 20, and the first one greetings me happy bday! :)
4. a sweet street singer that cheers up my night by playin some nice songs that made us all sing together all nite
5. very simple place but soo sweet to celebrate my 20: lesehan warung tempe penyet depan pasar pucang
6. lovely presents from my besties!

the most important thing is,
i can never be this tough without my besties around me.. i knew that i'm definitely ready leaving my 19 and entering my 20, when i realize that i'm not alone in this. i have 3 wonderful bestfriends near me, 2 great bestfriends in jakarta and hundreds hundreds of nice friends with me to face this. no need to worry! ;)

and not only those, i of course have a wonderful family that means so much in my heart.
and i can be this grateful bcos my Great Lord never forget to have me fully blessed with many wonderful things. alhamdulillah. i just can't stop being so thankful seconds after seconds! ♥

just like the backsound of my birthday, it's too sweet to forget~! =)

p.s. i'll updated this post to add some MORE pics and videos later! ;)

When she's done...

2009-02-11T04:02:00.014+07:00

when she's no longer believe in love..
when she's no longer have patience to wait..
when she can't even hope.
when she can't even dream.
when she stops wonder what's wrong with her..
when she stops to think that a guy will find her..
when she realize she has to be realistic.
when she promises to be survived.
in the world that she live in, nothing goes right with her dream about a man..
in the world that she breath in, cupid never let her know what love is..
she starts to think that she's just pathetic.
she starts to blame herself for totally nonsense things.
she was desperate.
she was a loser.
she will never be loved properly by a man.
she will never be happy being loved by a man.
but, she was never give up.
but, she was always think positive.
now, she's trying to be more realistic.
now, she's thankful enough for her life.
now, she's done waiting.
now, she's not willing to lay herself on any hope.

she's independent.
she's grateful.
she's passionate.
she's survived.

she IS.

and...
she will always be.

Preparing to be SURVIVED!

2009-02-11T01:42:00.009+07:00

Humm,, i guess this year 2009 will be a hard year for me.. dunno why, since very last day of 2008 i already had this feeling.. it mostly comes from the pressure at my study.. it's what they call 'clinic'.. this semester i will get the pre-clinic thing. next semester: hello real life! xs those shitty bang bang things will make me go nuts! x0

...well, i don't know, cos i haven't experienced it by myself, but i know what would it be! i'm preparing myself now, to face the reality. there will be sooo much pressure! uh-oh!

will i be prepared?
will i be survived?
will somebody lighten me up and decreasing all this coming up pressures and tensions around me?

Oh well! i don't know, if u think i'm talking about a man for me, i'm not really talkin about that.. somehow i felt those silly hopes about finding the right guy is starting to fade away.. i don't think there are any capable man for me. i'm not lookin for soulmate anymore. i'm learning to control myself from hating any guy around me. i just don't think i believe in love anymore. no one can prove me that 'bullshit thing called love' is still exist in this pathetic world. now i'm preparing myself to be independent for the rest of my life. i don't wanna dream, i don't wanna hope, no. not for this bullshit. i'm just tryin to be more realistic.

W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R.

I just wanna go living my life without dreaming or that someday i will depend my life on some guy.
what?
u think i'm pathetic?
u think i'm short-minded?
crazy thoughts?

Well, w.h.a.t.e.v.e.r. i don't care what people say. i don't care what people think. i've been thinking about this soo many times. i'm done with all the hoping and dreaming thing. can't find what's wrong with me, can't find what's wrong with the world. i'm done with wondering 'why he can love her so well? why can't i get one too?' well, let's get realistic. if i'm not that type of lovable woman, then i'm okay with that. i'm used to live by myself, without a man that guiding my heart. i'm soo used to that. then, what would make it be any harder? :9

I didn't say that i'm ready enuff for living a life like this, well, since i'm used to hoping and dreamingg.. it's killin me sometimes when i remember that i will spending the rest of my life without the 'special guy' in my life. BUT, i really really HAVE TO be ready for this. so far, i didn't believe that there are somebody who's not perfect enough to be perfect for me. at least, not right now. or ever.

I'm starting to protecting my heart more and more. for now on, this heart is still fragile. but i know, i have to be strong. strong enuff to be independent for the following years.. sometimes i get sick of couple around me. especially the ones that seems won't last forever. i feel sorry for them. no offense, really. but i'm not interested. i'm still learning to control that crazy minds.
Sometimes i hate that i have soo much feelings in my heart and mind. i wanna be less care. about anything that related to feelings. i envy men. they use their feeling less. we, women, usually think with our heart, not our brain. sometimes i really hate that. if i were a boy, i won't have those crazy feelings that killin me time to time.

:D

jyahahaaa.. but i'm grateful enuff that i was born a woman. never regret any of those God's gift. it's just, normally, women will depend their life on men. and i don't think i could be that normal. sooo, i have to prepare myself better to be survived. yeah! yeah! wish me luck eeeeeevvvrybodyyy..... :)

Don't know why........ Oh! i know, i'm no extraordinaire woman!

2009-01-28T13:13:00.012+07:00

Well, living your life all alone in the city that u barely know with no lover and not so many friends u've known for long years sometimes kinda desperating.. usually i need to be alone and cry quite much. but now, i don't wanna. don't know why i didn't come....

i need to scream. scrrrreeeeaaaammmmming instead of crying.

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road alone

i'm soo feeling norah jones right now. it's funny cos usually i get annoyed by her song. no offense, but i think her songs are sooo mellow. i didn't usually like it. but now, once again, i don't know why i didn't come...

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

i wanna get thru all this, like, in a snap! but. heyy! i still have three and a half years remaining... that's quite a loooong time, u know, if this situation doesn't change.

i need a change. maybe not 'a'. maybe i need soo much changes in my life.. or else i won't survive in this mean mean -- but pretty stand still -- world. i need to have some points in my life. i realize happiness won't come to me. i can never have good times if i don't try to make it happen. i have to make happiness happen to me. since i'm no extraordinary woman. i'm just a regular girl who thinks that she is special and worth enough to be happy.

no no no,, i ain't no extraordinaire....

there are many woman i know in my life that can get everything they want without even have to try soo hard to get it. chances happen to them just like blinking your eyes. i hate to accept this reality, but i know that i'm not the kind of woman that blessed with so much good things so she can just go ahead and enjoy that compliments from God. i still have to work things out. so far, there's not so much i can do.

is destiny limiting me from being 'up and out'?
huff. i wanna be a woman with no boundary.
i SHOULD BE a woman with no boundary.
i have to work on this. i know, i have to work on this.

no no no, don't cry no more sweetheart, just scream as loud as you can, and believe, you deserve all that too.. you'll get those chances. it's just, you reeally have to be smart and sneaky, oh, and brilliant! oh dear, you have to have PERFECT inside to cover your 'outside ordinaire' ..

i hate to be perfect. i don't believe in perfectness. i used to be a perfectionist woman. but in some ways i know it kills me. bcos usually nobody giving much appreciate of it. of the perfectness. people now, majority, DON'T appraise perfectness. so, why busy being perfect?

people might worship 'outside' perfectness, but perfect in the inside, who cares?

if the quote above is the fact that happens nowadays, and people no longer have hearts or healthy mind, and this world really is getting mean and meaner everyday.. dear God, what i have to be survived? T.T

i don't have that outside faaabulous look. and i still have to work on my personality to be better and better. am i left behind? or is it just me that not aware yet?

You are so SMALL to me.

2009-01-17T18:48:00.015+07:00

humm.. have you ever being rejected by a person that actually has 'nothing' -- not anything -- with you? i mean we're JUST a close friend. and he was like randomly sayin some rejection words to me. and i didn't even say anything that possibly make him say that.

HA. HA. what's your point mr. BIG HEAD?
feel like u made my heart fly away and i was like totally have a crush on you? do you think i have butterflies in my stomach when i'm with you? do you really really think that my heart beats faster when you're around me? :D
well, IN YOUR DREAM! it's JUST your imagination, little man.
in my bahasa, it sounds: "PEDE BANGET LO!"

hahaa..
yeah little man. u look so small in my eyes now.

i mean, you've gotta be kidding me! ha. ha. ha. that's totally amusing. -.-'

i actually feel like i have never ever show something that potentially make me look i'm-oh-so-in-love-with-you.. well, at least as long as i still have my head up here and my feet up in the ground. du-uhh!!
then you say that words, and oh my goddamit i am soo totally can't accept it!! damn i'm angry. that's unacceptable. men, where is my pride?? shit.
yeayeayeahhss i might probably have my heart crashed and broken IF and ONLY IF i AM in love with you. or at least have a crush on you.

as a matter of fact, I AM NOT.
can't get it clear enuff?
I HAVE NEVER EVER THINK THERE ARE SOMETHING BETWEEN US.
except that u're a friend.

FRIEND.
is that sounds like 'lover' to you? yes? then go fix your brain. so it could interprete anything clearer.
i mean, can't a girl have a man bestfriend? it's not that i have orientation to get a boyfriend all the time everytime i get close with a guy. i know where to put myself in. I'M NOT AN IDIOT. i'm not a fairytale-mind lady. i open my eyes widely. i know u have no crush on me. i know u don't love me that way. so i only react. and me, amandita parameswari, is a woman that will only love a guy that love her in the way that she like. and i know u're not one of that guy.

u even gave me the song that in my interpretation means u're wasting some time with me. then don't! i don't care.
and, and, and, based on my experiences, my basic instict made me 'go for it' when i have a crush on someone. especially when he is someone that's not 'out of my reach'. i'm not a woman that like someone, sit down, 'ce-ce-pe' a little, and pray. or even hide everytime he coming towards. that's not me. at least i tried to let him know. *might be in kinky ways.. xp* i want him to notice me. the point is, i know what i'm doing.
and also, my besties would know about this!

IF you think i had a crush on you in the first place, maybe because that's just me. pardon me who's just tryin to be a nice person to a FRIEND. and a cool person to hang out and spend some time with.
this all is a big joke. u ONLY make u so small to me. yeah you, little man.
yes u're still a friend to me. i'm no bitchy lady. a friend but with less respect. it's all because of your big head. and big head is a metaphor. hehe. peace man! =D

About finding mr. Right...

2009-01-15T17:06:00.014+07:00

Sometimes, some things are better written with the language u've known for ur whole life.
this is one of my deepest thought in bahasa, lately...

Seiring dengan berjalan nya waktu, bertambahnya usia, bertambah pula masalah yang muncul dalam hidupku. disana konflik, disini konflik. kepala ini mungkin saja pecah karena tak sanggup menampung semuanya. banyak hal yang belum aku raih dalam hidupku. aku belum menemukan seorang belahan jiwa yang bisa mendampingiku disaat-saat bahagia maupun saat saat sulit. itu adalah salah satunya. dan hal itu sedikit banyak terkadang sering mengoyakkan sedikit untaian dalam jiwa ini. kurasakan ada sesuatu yang menghilang. belum komplit. belum dimulai apalagi diakhiri. jiwa ini masih kesepian. tidak selayaknya insan hawa yang jiwanya terpenuhi dengan adanya seorang adam disisinya. aku sendiri. sepi. kosong. tak ada yang memenuhi.

Namun dengan berbagai prahara yang muncul di sekitarku, kadang aku meragukan akan waktu. terkadang aku ingin waktu cepat-cepat membawaku ke masa dimana aku menemukan adam-ku. namun kini, entah. tiba-tiba aku ingin menghapus semua asa itu. aku tidak ingin apapun sekarang. aku muak mencari adam. seorang adam yang aku dambakan tak lain hanyalah seorang lelaki sejati, yang mempunyai hati. aku lelah mendengar keluhan berbagai hawa disekitarku, yang tidak memperoleh perlakuan yang selayaknya patut ia dapatkan dari adam-nya. aku jadi tidak ingin terburu-buru. aku jadi ingin ekstra hati-hati dalam memilih seorang adam yang PANTAS bersanding disisiku. bukan sembarang adam. tak sudi aku.

Aku tidak ingin menghabiskan masa muda dan masa tuaku dengan segala keluhan tentang sang adam, ataupun hidup dibawah siksaan nya. raga, terlebih jiwa. hatiku terlalu bernilai untuk dikoyak dan diporak-porandakan oleh sang adam. aku adalah wanita yang terlalu berharga untuk menerima segala perlakuan tak pantas dari sang adam, baik jiwa maupun ragaku. kini aku melihat seorang adam dari bagaimana sifatnya, apakah sifat itu dapat membawaku ke dalam lubang penyiksaan di kemudian hari? betapapun segala yang dimilikinya melebihi seluruh emas di muka bumi, ketampanannya melebihi nabi Yusuf sekalipun, otaknya bagaikan berlian yang diasah tiada henti, namun bagiku dia sama sekali bukan lelaki jika ia tidak tahu bagaimana cara memperlakukan wanita.

Aku ingin hidup di masa nanti dengan perasaan damai dan disayangi. karena aku dapat dengan mudah menyayangi dan mencintai seseorang. namun alangkah teruknya jika kasih sayang itu berakhir dengan penderitaan. setiap orang bisa berubah, aku tahu itu. aku bukanlah wanita munafik yang tidak menyadari segala tetek bengek dunia yang begitu kejam dan pahit bahkan hanya untuk diketahui. namun yang kutahu setiap orang terus dan terus mencari apa yang terbaik bagi dirinya. aku pun sadar betul bahwa kita tak bisa terus mencari apa yang luar biasa sempurna untuk diri kita sendiri. namun aku tidak ingin gegabah dalam memilih, karena apa yang telah aku putuskan untuk kupilih dan kupastikan itu akan menjadi sesuatu yang sakral untuk aku jaga selamanya. untuk kuberikan kasih sayang yang seakan tiada akhir. semampu raga segenap jiwa.

Dan alangkah beruntungnya lelaki itu dan betapa mulia-nya ia jika ia tahu diri untuk memegang teguh janjinya dalam segala hal dan situasi apapun untuk tetap memperlakukan aku sebagai wanita dengan sepantasnya. jika aku perlu disiksa, siksalah aku karena aku bertindak membangkang kepadamu. jika aku perlu dihajar, hajarlah aku karena berbuat tidak pantas kepadamu. namun jangan sekali-sekali engkau siksa aku karena egois dan congkakmu. aku telah tunduk kepadamu. jangan berani membuat fisik dan batinku terluka. hanya karena harga dirimu. hanya karena ego mu. hanya karena nafsu ataupun birahimu.

Karena aku tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa. aku tidak akan sampai hati menyakitimu. aku tidak akan bisa hidup jika memikirkanmu berjuang bertahan hidup seorang diri. meskipun segala yang menjadi prinsipku itu tidak mungkin dapat kau lakukan untukku. aku akan terus berjuang untuk bertahan disisimu, karena engkau adalah pilihanku. engkau tempatku berlindung. engkau pernah memberikan naungan batin dan fisik kepadaku. dan aku bisa disiksa di neraka jika aku melawanmu.

Aku hanya bisa berdoa kepada Illahi, berikan aku seseorang yang jauh dari sempurna untuk menjadi jodoh sempurnaku. seorang lelaki SEJATI. lelaki yang sejati memang tidak pernah sempurna. namun ia tahu bagaimana menjadi yang terbaik untuk sang wanita dalam segala keadaan.

Dan aku, akan menunggunya, dengan sangat sabar.

(amandita. 12 Januari 2009. 00:51)

... can they?

2009-01-04T20:40:00.008+07:00

hey! this is my very first post in the year 2009.. yay!

haha,, at the end of 2008, i learnt something :

--> men can't keep their words <--

well, i don't know many guys and yes i've heard about that theory thousand times from my bestfriends,, but hey! those words really are true.. yes, they could make u high and put smile on your face for a while, promising u this and that,, but apparently those are only sweet words! can they keep it? nope.

well,, basically, i don't claim, need, hope, or want anything from him, truly.

but hey, u have promised me something! can you at least keep your words? if u don't think u can fulfill ur promise, why bother promising me something? such a waste..
be a man! or don't. yeah, cos maybe that's men's natural instinct,, not to keep their words.. promising bullshit(s) to every woman.. it might be something they're actually good at.. i don't know.

na-a-aahh, nope. i won't trust a guy or their promises whatsoever anymore..

not for today, not for tomorrow..

maybe until there comes the right guy, PROVING me that the theory isn't always true, CONVINCE me that there's still a guy left in this world who can keep his word..

i'll be GLAD waiting someone like that. i don't mind waiting. honestly.

seriously.

Facing 2009...

2008-12-31T08:49:00.007+07:00

hmmm...

suddenly there are a lotta things going on my mind facing this year 2009..

i don't know is it only syndrome at the end of the year or whatsoever..

suddenly i had this flashback.. what i've done this year, what i haven't done... somehow i actually sad, maybe many things still didn't work out the way i hope this year's gonna be.. maybe i just realize that i'm not gonna spend nu years eve with my family.. especially my dad, or my mom, or my sister, or three of them.. T.T

this year, this lovely 2008, there are a lot of things to be regret, and there are much more things to be thank.. especially the big thing that happen to me recently, which is surely stay in my memory for the rest of my life..

that big thing makes this 2008 become a memorable year..

i don't know, but i guess the thing that makes me sad is that i'll pass my nu year's eve with my family... x( well, not last year, not even this year.. humm.. i chose to be with my friends this year.. i never do this before, but hey, a girl needs to grownup and realize, there are first times for everything.. and i pick this year to do it..

i'm afraid, that next year, 2009, things aren't the same anymore.. things gonna be a whole lot different from now.. i have this kinda feeling and it tortures my mind now.. why i become afraid of changes? i knew things change, people change, things gonna be different from time to time, and changes are good sometimes.. but.. now i'm scared to all of it?

of course i've been changing too.. from year to year; time, people, environment, they keep forcing me to change.. either in a good way, or maybe not a really good one..

i have this weird feeling that 2009 gonna be a hard year for me.. that's why now i even more afraid of changes..

dear God, i'm so afraid i might even cry, real hard..

Lord, i've been living 19 years, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY LIFE?

am i keep gettin better and better? am i thankful enough to my Lord? am i doing many pleasant things to the ones i loved? am i always choosing what's best for me?

i don't know and i'm not sure.. cos like i said life is a mystery...

we're only human, like what jason mraz sing..

all that we can do is try to live our life as best as we can do...

WHAT?! they're back??

2008-12-28T02:38:00.019+07:00

amandita u are pathetic!!

uoooohhh...

*slap my face* :'3

why this butterflies keep rolling on my stomach
when i do this 'thingy' even the crush had been soo soo over years ago??

back then at some (secretly) years ago,, i did this in a very2 awkward way, the butterflies surely come out my stomach uncontrollably,, and i surely do realize that crush had been totally over years ago.. now.. the fact is..? they're back in action! ahhaha..

syid ya men.. T.T

umm,, but real-axe, i guess they only come out at this particular time only.. don't worry.. xp

humm.. enuff is enuff!

then i remember,, a bestfriend once said to me,, that a feeling for someone, or loving someone, or care about someone,, is a gift from the lord...

. . .

is that true?

well,, i'm a lil bit confused actually,, is it really something that will only come up when the lord 'let you' loving someone? isn't that something that can be work out by human control? isn't all that is about choice? if it really is, that loving someone is a gift, then our choice is always something that indirectly given or destined by the lord... (?)

mmm, i believe someday will come my time to understand this all.. =)

Thankfulness

2008-12-26T02:09:00.018+07:00

(it supposed to be published exactly a month ago.. but oh well, here it is... )

yo!

it's actually something that i wanna write couple days after my BIG day,, but i dunno,, can't find the right words yet,, or maybe the place that inspire me a lot to write is in my kost.. since i spent most of my 'deep-feelings-time' there,, and since i just came back to this 'back-to-reality' city,, so i write it just now. wohohoo.. i think i'm much more productive in creating something--aanything-- in this place.. haha,, feels like now i'm belong here (when it comes to must-face-reality) hehehe..

enuff babbling!

well,, as you can see in this big big smile...

i survived!!

all the things that bothered me these days have finally over...

wanna know how it feels?

sweet, as i said before..
it even tastes much much more sweeter than what i thought..
i can't believe i've been through it all..
i'm so thankful to Allah, and i never feel like i thank enough to all of this gift.
haven't satisfied being thankful yet,, cos it all feels like miracle! i'm lucky, i'm gifted, and i'm blessed.

lucky,, cos this is something that everybody would say it's almost impossible! i had this tumor for all my life, and it was being recognized 3 months ago! it was quickly handled by my father and of course the professional doctors so it could be taken care by a 'God-handed' doctor from Japan, prof. Nakamura.. he did a perfect job in a perfect timing and situation. how can i not be thankful? =)

gifted,, cos i feel the love of people around me. my precious parents,, who fought this with all of their body and mind.. their prayer, mind, feelings, money, all wasted with no doubt in the name of love, deep inside from their heart, for me... dear inyok and babe, i love you... =) my beloved bestfriends,, who helped me a lot when i was facing and getting through all of this,, they cheer me up, encourage me, pray with me, whatever a friend can do they could do too.. the wonderful doctors,, i believe they did the best that they could do even it wasted their time, power and money.. my big family,, either sister, grandma, uncles, aunties, cousins etc, for all their support and prayer that indirectly but surely lead my way of succesfully through this.. and i knew i'm so thankful, cos now i know how does it feel being loved unselfishly, never expect any changes, and fully from the bottom of the heart.

blessed,, bcos i could face this 'test' with a big smile in my face, i was calm, tawakkal, and ready for almost everything at that time.. i feel no pain, no scared, and everything that i expected definitely come true. i even left the hospital with so so much thankful feelings in my heart, and it does taste sweet. reeally really sweet.

me and the main part of the saviors

me and prof. Nakamura

(me and the smile of me-JUST-got-out-from-the-ICU-room! hahha.. never have smiled that BIG!)

and since it exactly a month passed, and i feel completely healthy, happy, still thankful, hopeful and continuing my life with a big passion in my heart. hope everything goes perfectly fine every now and then, and i should never be tired to be thankful to my lord for all my life... ;)

the BIG day that i'm gonna HAVE to face . . .

2008-11-23T22:43:00.006+07:00

meong!
i think i'm gonna have to write something here before the big day..

yea, a BIG day for me.. =s

well,, it's not really that kind of big happy happy big day actually..
maybe it's the destiny that i'm gonna HAVE to face..
yea,, i'm havin surgery this week.

shit!
i even haaaate to get involved with that S word.. =(
either sayin it or writin it,, or translate it into bahasa..
yea, whateverr it's the same..
uhhh...
it's definitely a BIG deal for me,, bcos since the day i was born, i was never ever ever everr get involved with that place againn.. hospital i mean.. and it was already how long? 19 years long. =/

since i had all the pra-"s"hitty thing treatment,, i never liked it..
in fact i hate it..
just lyin there and hang on when nothing u can ever do without anybody's help is a BIG pain in the ass. i feel weak. i feel tiny. i have no power.
and no no noo i never liked bein' weak. feels like suicide men..
it totally breaks my heart.

i'm kinda person that tend to like to help people, not being helped.
that's why.
maybe we're sorta talkin bout ego here.. =\

well, this shitty thing is actually not something that i like to share with others,, bcos i am down enuff with the fact that i have a tumor intraorbital, and i don't need anybody's symphathy to make me feel worst.
i hate being weak in front of people. i hate bein unnormal between everybody who's seems to enjoy their fabulous life..

i know this is my destiny that i have to face, sooner or later,, bcos in fact it was genetic,, not something that show up in a mean time..
i really am tryin my best here,, i try and try to stand up and hang in there,, i know i'm gonna be strong..
a month ago, i thought i was gonna be ready to face all of this,, but, i dunno.. now i feel that i will only be ready when the time is forcing me to. i stay hope and pray, pray and pray and pray..

this is ha-a-arrdd u know..
life is hard..

and the thing that keeps me optimistic is, that i have a faith that all of this, is gonna be worth it. it will be worth to all the gift, that Allah will give to me, after i pass this.. sooner or maybe later..
well, somehow u have to sacrifice more to get more, rite? it's nature law..
even if u fail to struggle in this mean mean world, the lord will always be fair. it means that ur gift, isn't available in this world, a lovely wonderful precious gift is already waiting for u in the paradise.. Allah's heaven..
sometimes all the faith that i have makes me calm, and strong. i know justice is always exists. it's all fair and all u've been sacrificed is gonna be worth it.

uhh,, but in this kinda moment, sometimes i don't know how to be strong. cos deep inside i feel all the weaknesses is on me.
people's symphaty doesn't help. i know it will never helped. it will only makin' me going down down down..
well,, let's just say that i'm gonna have to face it. there's no turning back,, and only one thing that could save me from all of this. my lord's help.. =)

whatever is going to happen to me, will be sweet. cos i've been bleeding, inside and out and everywhere..
yeah, i believe.

Random write! x)

2008-11-07T18:09:00.010+07:00

Uhm,
i need to put something in here..
hmm,, well, since so far my life's as plain as an unflavoured yogurt.
then i will write randomly here.. =)

Hey, i'm so glad that obama wins the US election,, me n my friend just discussed it in the middle of our lunch yesterday,, we're happy that he won! =) i adore him a lil bit,, maybe because he's oh-so-charismatic, definitely brilliant, and he lived in indonesia when he was little. hehe,, it's just make me more interest and oh so proud. and a lil bit relieved maybe, coz i hope he could bring the world peace.. =)

humm.. ohyea,, i'm so crazy coz i have this lil crush on my teacher,, *blush blush* but unfo-ho-rtunately our age range is oh-so-faar.. =( i don't wanna say the number,, but uhuuhh this crush ain't going away-ay-ay-aaayy..

hahahaa..
he has this so much charm,, and i have this crush since we gathered in a small class, and he was our mentor, and he has this charisma and oh so charmingg charmingg charm charm!! x)

and i'm a lil bit melted and mesmerized,, uh oh okay i lied, not a bit,, hehe..
i even googled him one day and found his address! haha.. silly me.. x9

i think a guy's charm could be my weaknesses. haha. i fell more easily on a charismatic guy than on the handsome one.. =)

i used to have this soo much passion when i have a crush on a guy.. i tend to show him who i am and let him know that i like him (well, not directly either..) than hide when he's around.. but since i close my last case at the end of highschool year, i'm not interested in chasing after a guy anymore.. *hahah,, chasing a guy huh?? xD* well, yea, after the D project have accomplished, -- and it was reeally2 great accomplishment! hahah -- i actually think that would be the last time i did all those silly thing. no no no way that i'm gonna make a first move to any guy! aanyy guy! no.

*remember what u wear when u were working on the D project, dhytt? hehe*

i dunno about my choice,, will it lead me to get a boyfriend any harder?

i don't know yet.
maybe i don't even care that much.
i know that i have some qualities, that's impossible not even one single guy could fall for me.

well,, this is the optimistic me speaking,, =)

but sometimes it's haard to stay positive u know.. especially when u're alone in a loong loong time..
maybe i've learn a lot about relationship not by doing it. i listen, i see, i'm helping for the solution, mostly from my bestfriends' experiences..

now i tend to just let it flow.. take it slow.. show people who's the real me.. sometimes i even need to show the better real me.. and.. wait.
yeah, wait. and for me it is a loong long wait..
i mean, what am i supposed to do then beside waiting for the chance to happen?
or miracle maybe? hahah.

just be patient dhytt..

stay positive and hopeful. believe this all is gonna worth it. there will be an equitable answer for what u've been waiting and asking all your life... =)

life is a mystery . . .

2008-10-29T14:44:00.014+07:00

have you ever met a stranger that feels like he is your long-time-ago bestfriend?

that you are comfortable to talking to, laughing with, even could share some of your feelings..

have you ever met a stranger that you don't usually can talk about many things with someone new, but with him u feel so free and just be you?

have you ever met a stranger that have a lot of things in common with you?
i mean, soo so mucch in common that makes you wonder 'how does it possible?'

well, yes i have.
it's actually months ago,, for exact on June 2008.
it's suddenly crossed on my mind again.. =)

here is how it happened..
at the end of June, on Friday, i had to go back to Jakarta -the place where i belong- because of this soo much pressure in my study, and i needed to attend mbak Nadia's wedding..
well, the main reason was actually: i'm so fed up with my study, and i almost gave up, and all i needed was only to come back home.

yes. my loving home. in Jakarta. even it was only for three days. three amazing days to come back to my loving family. to refresh my mind. to heal and make up all the depressed feelings.

what exactly complete my 'homecoming for healing' is actually when i was going back to this city, back to the reality, on Sunday afternoon, at this Sukarno Hatta airport..

when i arrived in this A6 waiting room, it didn't usually this veryy crowded.
in the middle of so many people looked for seats, i found one seat. straightly found it.
without any doubt, i went ahead and have a seat.
i wondered why there's one empty seat with so many people looking for a seat..
well, yea whatever.

then this guy who seated next to me started talking to me.

he and i had a long chat and we found so much things in common!
we even went back to Jakarta on same day, same hour, and for exactly same reason..
we were so damn fed up with our routine that we needed to come back home to refresh our mind..
so far i talked to him, i was totally being me.

i mean,, i never meet a lot of strangers out there,, but for a stranger, i know he's so comforting to talk with,,
he said he notice me bcos i looked like a friend of him,, that was bcos i was wearing my glasses! which i have never ever wear those damn glasses anywhere but my house, which i never left home without my softlens, which i wore it confidently outside the house for the first time only bcos i just want.

maybe if i didn't wear those damn glasses he'd never talk to me..

we had this chit chat for about 2 hours. and i never felt 2 hours was that short. i had a great time waiting.. xp
we also walked into the plane together.
and i thought it could get scarier only if we sat together again on the plane.

duh, it happened..
well, it's actually not really that together but our seat was on the same row.
mine was 30A, and his was 30D.
yeah, scary. whatever. what a coincidence.
then on the plane, i didn't talk to him at all. i was just enjoying my flight...
.

.
when our plane just landed, i still didn't talk to him.
then he and i walked out the plane one on one.
but hey, inside the airport, when all passengers were walking into the exit, he looked back, saw me, and he stopped.

yes, he stopped to wait for me.

i was just smile and wave my hand a little.
then we walked together again into the exit.
unfortunately, he carried a baggage, and i didn't.
it was almost 10 p.m and i had to get to my kost by taxi, all alone.
so i needed to left there as soon as possible.

that's the time when i had to say goodbye to Mr. Stranger...

humm..
i wish i could see him again..
when will i see your face again, Mr. Stranger?
hehe..

i don't know if it's like a picture of my Mr. right someday,,

i don't know if it's only a gift from my lord for me to not to feel alone in the middle of my trip goin' back to where-i-don't-belong..

but one thing for sure, i'm glad bcos after that night, i feel completely heal. maybe it's just nice to talk to someone that you barely know, but accepts you for who you are, and it's comforting, and fun too, cos u never experienced it before. it increased my self esteem, which i lost before..

well,
life is a mystery.
yeah folks, it really is.

i actually not really hope that someday we'll meet again and we clearly remember each other, *well bcos actually i hardly remember him either! haha*

sounds like a fairysuckstale..

but it would be nice if it does happen, eh?

maybe i could break the mystery.. =)

my FUN holidae..

2008-10-25T15:36:00.007+07:00

we are crazy about swan lake..
on 17th oct we went to swan lake not so far from our campus,, the four of us girls with sista and danang..
on 19th oct we went to swan lake after we watched Laskar Pelangi.. four of us girls with sista and razak..
whole day(s) we spent together with soo so much fun!! xD

Very first damn words

2008-10-15T18:53:00.004+07:00

Hey hey heyy..
the idea of makin a nu personal blog was showed up on :
13.10.2008
19:52

in the middle of studying for the next day microbiology quiz.. kinda bored that nite.. hehe ;D

Well, i don't know if it's kinda late to start a blog just today,, but i think i need a place, a room, a blank, -whatever you call it -to pour all my thoughts- freaky thoughts, geeky thoughts, all good and bad feelings whatever -it's up to me, eh? x)
Yeah and there will be some 'ngasal' grammar when i feel like 'curhat' in english,, cuz i just loove doing it so much. i only write words and sentences which i think it suits. i don't care about my grammar! hehhe.. there might be a lotta fuckin' rude words too! cuz i could be so rude when it comes to pouring my thought into something.

Actually i already start a blog in friendster since i was in highschool. but i do need some more place where there's not really much people know it. i don't care for whoever read this blog. i don't care what they think about me. it's just me. well, at least i'm trying to being me. maybe this blog could sorta be my 'jeritan hati' hahahahaha.. xD
I think since now on, i have to write whatever happen to my life, whatever happen to my thoughts, so someday i could review it and put a little smile on my own thoughts.

Well, here it is,, blog of mandhytaa, as known as _slurrppmiao_ in this blog, who is just a lady with a lot of things in her mind, who's tired lookin' for love and might even don't believe in that little thing called love, who has so many friends and not so many bestfriend *bestfriends are precious. then i won't have best as much i have friends, 'aite?* and always lookin forward to meet new people with all the different characters and minds, who could be my friend, bestie or might be enemy.
haha.. but i heart peace, i'm not such a bitch who's always lookin for catfight or something. i'm no drama queen cuz this life is hard without we even try to make it harder. i'm just a lady who always try to be the best of her. who has insecurities, rudeness, goofiness, bad side, angel side, yea whatever et ceteraa.

Now i'm studying in FKG u**** 3rd semester in a city which i wasn't born here, have no families here -all my lovelies are in Jakarta- so i'm practically 'anak kos' in this strange strange city. i might be have problems with socializing cuz i tend to be more introvert. i love makin' friends but i think i have a lil' problem on how to makin' it.

There are a lotta things i don't know yet in this world. i wanna read so much books but i don't have as much passion. i wanna widen my random knowledge but i don't have much time to do it. maybe it's about how you manage your time. i don't know, maybe i'm not smart enough just yet.

I really wanna be a great dentist and i always been SUPER JEALOUS to whoever have their own dental clinic. damn. i envy all those succesful dentist with all the following fabulous title between their name.
I wanna help all of them who have problems with their teeth and oral. i wanna be super cool dentist someday. and i want my own dental clinic. i promise i should have one!! yeahh even i still do sks (sistem kebut semalam) learning before tests and quizzes sometimes and really have this laziness when it comes to paperwork.. hehe,, but i promise i definitely have to be better and better! x)
I use to have all this firey firey passion to be what i wanna be and i will always have this passion for all my life!

And i have a faith in Allah SWT for sure. but i'm not really that much religious. i just believe if i want what's best for my life i really can't be tired to ask Allah and do what is not 'menyimpang' from my religion. so i gotta keep believin', hope and never deny on my faith. cuz i know for sure, in the hand of the Great Allah SWT, all of this, is worth. and someday i will get what is worth for my sacrifices all this time.

I always lookin for new experience, meeting new people, new things cuz i could get sick of this ordinary life. i always lookin for my courageness too. it's hard to be brave and stands out you know.. not every person can get out of the box. and i actually wanna be one. and i still have to find out how to dare to be different. in a good way of course!
I'm dying to have some more spare time. cuz there's a lotta things i wanna do but with all this busy work and activities, i have no chance. and i would looove to kill my bad habit: laziness. sometimes i prefer sleeping than doing useful work. beside sleeping i could watch too much dvds, reading too much magazines, whatever it takes to kill time and do nothing useful for me. it's too much waste of time. i get tired easily. damnn. i used to have so much energy i couldn't even sleep till 3 AM. but now, i could stay up until 3AM only for dvds. which is total waste of time! no no no no! i GOTTA STOP IT! get ur ass real high anywhere but your bed! damn.

every 1 minute you waste is precious 60 seconds that you could never repeat.

that's a lot of number! ;)

So i should prooooomisseee to be more careful to manage my time. promise dhytt! x9